Sunday, July 27, 2008
congrats if ure invited to view all this.
i hope all this is kept to only u and urself.
nobody but urself.
thanks.
im gonna rant and rant in this post
dont read if you are not interested.
so here goes... ...
firstly.
im sick and tired of this whole thing.
ive been trying my very best to treat u like any other normal friends but i realized i failed and im sick of deceiving myself about this whole matter.
im scared of you. yes. terrified.
i thought i could forget the whole incident after some time. and ive been trying hard to. i thought i could treat it like nothing. like it's just a small matter and brush it off but everytime i see you it just reminds me of that incident, the kind of fear when i just found out. it's hard to describe the feeling and i believe it's hard to understand the fear if this thing doesnt happen on you. maybe im too sensitive but so wad? thats me. just accept the fact that I AM SCARED.
and thanks to yesterday, ive made up my mind about all this.
im just gonna ignore you. treat you like invisible. other than official stuff i shall just pretend you do not exist. i so wanted to quit that whole *** thing but decided it was too irresponsible to do so because of such things so i hanged on. i swear ive been trying super hard to make everything seem ok. i tried but i failed ok. and i give up. it's no use making myself so miserable because of a person like you. i thought i could at least save that friendship between both of us but apparently u screwed everything up and im so sorry that ive chosen to give up a friend like you. cos i realised it's such a torture to talk to you. too bad you dont noe anything huh. you dunno how much i dread seeing you. seeing your name. even seeing ur name appear on msn makes me feel so arghhhh. or even recieving an sms from you also makes me feel so......... i dunno how to describe. but yes. thats exactly how i feel.
everytime i see you in school i feel like turning away and walk the other direction.
everytime you talk to me i dont feel like replying at all.
everytime you say sth i feel like shutting my ears and pretend i cant hear anything.
everytime i see ur sms appear on my hp i dont feel like reading it at all much less reply it.
everytime i see ur conversation appear on msn i feel like signing out.
i just dont want to have anything to do with you at all. AT ALL.
just get out of my sight can you? out of my life.
EFF OFF. ASSHOLE.
I HATE YOU. period.
haii.
secondly.
im super disappointed with you.
someone i thought i really knew very well turned out to become a total stranger in the end.
ive never expected my good friend to fall out with me because of such things. something which i feel is very childish for a person of ur age and maturity. im sorry if i sound a little harsh but yes. i really feel it's very childish because i dont see a need for getting angry over this matter. to make it simple you are just being selfish. and i dont understand why.
i thought i knew you well. but i thought wrong.
i thought we could share all our secrets together. but i thought wrong.
i thought we were best friends. but i thought wrong.after so long. all my thoughts were wrong.
things seem to be ok now. but i know deep inside there's still a barrier between us.
this huge barrier which can never be removed anymore.
especially when you choose not to solve the problem.
pretend like nothing ever happened.
it hurts you noe. especially when it happens to a friend i thought i could trust.
but can i now?
haii.
im really really disappointed.
lastly.
nothing much to say just.....
i really really miss last year and my sec sch friends.
at least i know my sec sch friends are pple i can really trust.
and i really really wanna turn back time.
turn it back to last year.
when all of us were still good friends.
when none of such things happened.
when we could talk and laugh with each other with no worries.
where has all this happy moments gone to?
=((((((((((((((
10:31 PM
Thursday, July 24, 2008
typed a whole chunk of stuff.
but i decided to delete.
all i can say is.
im super disappointed.
very disappointed with you.
haii.
i really miss talking to
you.
come back faster can you.......
11:19 PM
Monday, July 21, 2008
yay. today was our performance at esplanade.
lol. first time we sat pick up. haha. suakus.
had loadsa fun with them at the back of the lorry. LOL.
and super lotsa fun the night b4 at chunhui's hse. have more sleepover ok=)
and vick. dont drink so much lar. bad for health. lol.
btw. thanks ferguson for offering to help transfer our instruments to esplanade!
performance today was relatively ok.
except all of us felt it passed so fast. it's like so much hard work and practices we had ended up just LIKE THAT. so fast. too fast for us to even realise we were already performing the actual thing on stage. it felt so like a rehearsal instead. but oh well. it's the process that matters most right? i had loadsa fun practicing with them=) really alot alot of fun.
yayys. FORBIDDEN LOVE!
have i ever mentioned how much i love the 6 or rather 5 of them above in the photo?
together with peilin and jeremy=)
YES. I LOVE THEM LOADS LOADS LOADS.
12:44 AM
Saturday, July 19, 2008
YES. I AM OFFICIALLY 18!!wooohooo.
and happy birthday to peilin too! (our bdae falls on the same day. and she's 13 hrs older than me. HAHA!)
haha. my birthday was spent with rushing music theory assignment and BUMs assignment.
so didnt feel like a birthday at all. except that the thought of knowing pple remembered ur bdae and makes the effort to wish you happy birthday made up for everything (:
so sweet of them to remember. esp those whom i seldom talk to or those friends whom i dont meet anymore now. and most importantly my dear squadmates! haha.
my mum was super sweet. lol.
she purposely stayed up till 12am and came to my room to wish me happy birthday and she gave me 2 necklaces and a huge huge hug!! haha! love my mama so so muchhhh. so sweet of her!
and my parents brought me out for dinner that day too. had sakae! (:
grace came along as well. haha. cos she came over to stay at my hse to rush our music theory. and chunhui came over in the middle of the night! lol. had fun lar. although we were like totally worn out the next day. haha. wasnt really processing wad i was presenting on thurs about those 20th century music shit. lol.
so yea. 16 july was spent rushing music theory. imagine having those 20th century composers spend ur bdae with you aye. bela bartok.. stravinsky.. how NICE! hehh.
but oh wells. here's a big thank you to all who wished me happy birthday that day!
- peilin (the first to wish me! i was the first to wish her too. )
- kirstie
- joel
- my dad
- my mum
- yingqi
- cynthia
- grace
- pauline
- shiyun
- peiyun
- shunyi
- chunhui
- patrina
- XJ
- filza
- cera
- timothy su
- cheryl gan
- ferena
- khaz
- soo ming
- vick
- jeremy
- wira
- crystal
- dhanish
- kwok sheng
- en ming
- tanglin
- ginny
- joanne (senior)
- tin hee! (my lecturer. lol)
- adelin
- suzanne
- weishan
- ferguson
- lawrence
- mandric
- shuhuan
- kellyn
- fangqin
- samantha zhang
- dave
yea. i hope i didnt miss anyone out? lol.
thanks loads for your wishes! haha.
so...
this week has been a super tiring week.
have been sleeping for bout only 2 hrs everyday since monday.
cos of music theory and BUMs. everyday stay up super late just to complete those assignments.
but YAY they are conquered! woohooo!
yest i slept at 7am! can you imagine that. lol
stupid BUMs assignment. haha. wrote a 3000 words essay within a night. spent about 6 hrs on it. omg. really can kill lar.
and i ponned BUMs lesson today. haha! 9 am lehh. if i go den really no need sleep anymore.
so i just slept through it. all the way till 1230 den woke up to go for piano lesson.
was damn horrible lar. my brain was like totally not functioning at all. keep playing wrongly.
it's like my brain not processing what im reading from the score with my hands. damn. i really wanted to smash the piano. HAHA. imagine me flaring up in front of the teacher.
yeaa. so after that went to sch for recording from 4-10. damn tired lar. reached home at 11.
oh mann.
this is like the first time i stayed up all night to complete my work. till 7am! whoa.
haha. hope no more 2nd time.
ok. im going off to bed.
finally can SLEEP!!!!
zzzzzz.
12:21 AM
Monday, July 14, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUI HUI=)
haha. yepps. today's dear chunhui's bdae.
and we surprised her at her hse. lol.
with cake and present! haha.
so fun lar. and guess wad. the first word she said was: OH MAN!
HAHAHAHA! hope you enjoyed ur bdae darling=)
anyways.
yest went to pau's church and before that had dinner with my dear squadmates.
been long time since i met them. love ya all loads.
thanks for the cake=) so nice.
although the price tag was still there. HAHA!
thanks alot alot!
took so many photos. but they'll be uploaded another time.
cos the photos are in my phone and my phone is sent for repair.
love ya all squaddies!
my first cake for my 18th bdae! yay=)
super glad we're still so close after so long.
3013-53. LOVES<3
ok.
im here to blog because im sick of doing music theory.
20th century music is BORING.
so much stuff to read. argh.
driving me nuts.
i miss YOU. you noe.
1:25 AM
Friday, July 11, 2008
today is the most sucky day ever.
thanks hui for being there.
haii.
sucks.
right from the moment i opened my eyes everything was alr wrong.
everything.
tin hee scolded our class today for music theory oso.
bloody hell. she's not wrong in saying those stuff.
it's all true. we pissed off such a nice teacher. like WOW.
music theory was like such a torture today.
was fighting so hard to control my emotions.
didnt dare to look at anyone straight in the eye.
was afraid i would just break down any moment.
even tin hee knew sth was wrong with me.
she came into class looked at me and said: what happened to you? you dont seem yourself today.
i didnt even do anything yet. hurr.
den performance i almost burst.
or rather i kinda did. a little. kinda shouted at somebody.
cant remember who. i noe someone asked: sam. how come ur keyboard so soft?
and i kinda shouted back at that person. was it vick or chunhui?
in any case, im sorry to whoever i shouted at.
everyone was blasting their keyboards so loud. couldnt hear any shit we were playing.
wth lar.
first time i kinda really vented my anger so obviously today.
im sorry if i shouted at any of you today ok.
and shun im not angry with you.
it's just not my day today.
12:18 AM
Monday, July 07, 2008
OH MAN.
im super in love with the orange crumpler.
like super super in love.
planning to get one.
money money. i need money!
haha.
enjoyed dinner today.
see
you 2 weeks later with my birthday present aye.
LOL.
10:59 PM
Saturday, July 05, 2008
ok ok. im not locking anymore.
so many pple asking me why i suddenly lock my blog.
lol. unlock alr. ok?
anyways.
today's relatively a happpy day=)
went to mediacorp and saw the radio stations and tv stations and stuff.
super cool lar.
and my mac and nano has finally arrived!
yay! super happy.
thanks shawn for the help with the mac sutff=)
was talking to hui bout some stuff on the train.
haha. super happy we're sharing the same views.
and we both feel the same bout this matter but dunno why are we like this.
LOL. yes hui. you noe wad im talking bout right.
shhhhhh.
oh! and i fell asleep on the train on the way home and MISSED MY STOP!
haha. when i woke up i was alr heading towards paya lebar.
so dumb lar.
first time ever in my life i missed my stop.
haha.
okok go slp alr.
bye!
1:31 AM
