Sunday, July 27, 2008
congrats if ure invited to view all this.
i hope all this is kept to only u and urself.
nobody but urself.
thanks.
im gonna rant and rant in this post
dont read if you are not interested.
so here goes... ...
firstly.
im sick and tired of this whole thing.
ive been trying my very best to treat u like any other normal friends but i realized i failed and im sick of deceiving myself about this whole matter.
im scared of you. yes. terrified.
i thought i could forget the whole incident after some time. and ive been trying hard to. i thought i could treat it like nothing. like it's just a small matter and brush it off but everytime i see you it just reminds me of that incident, the kind of fear when i just found out. it's hard to describe the feeling and i believe it's hard to understand the fear if this thing doesnt happen on you. maybe im too sensitive but so wad? thats me. just accept the fact that I AM SCARED.
and thanks to yesterday, ive made up my mind about all this.
im just gonna ignore you. treat you like invisible. other than official stuff i shall just pretend you do not exist. i so wanted to quit that whole *** thing but decided it was too irresponsible to do so because of such things so i hanged on. i swear ive been trying super hard to make everything seem ok. i tried but i failed ok. and i give up. it's no use making myself so miserable because of a person like you. i thought i could at least save that friendship between both of us but apparently u screwed everything up and im so sorry that ive chosen to give up a friend like you. cos i realised it's such a torture to talk to you. too bad you dont noe anything huh. you dunno how much i dread seeing you. seeing your name. even seeing ur name appear on msn makes me feel so arghhhh. or even recieving an sms from you also makes me feel so......... i dunno how to describe. but yes. thats exactly how i feel.
everytime i see you in school i feel like turning away and walk the other direction.
everytime you talk to me i dont feel like replying at all.
everytime you say sth i feel like shutting my ears and pretend i cant hear anything.
everytime i see ur sms appear on my hp i dont feel like reading it at all much less reply it.
everytime i see ur conversation appear on msn i feel like signing out.
i just dont want to have anything to do with you at all. AT ALL.
just get out of my sight can you? out of my life.
EFF OFF. ASSHOLE.
I HATE YOU. period.
haii.
secondly.
im super disappointed with you.
someone i thought i really knew very well turned out to become a total stranger in the end.
ive never expected my good friend to fall out with me because of such things. something which i feel is very childish for a person of ur age and maturity. im sorry if i sound a little harsh but yes. i really feel it's very childish because i dont see a need for getting angry over this matter. to make it simple you are just being selfish. and i dont understand why.
i thought i knew you well. but i thought wrong.
i thought we could share all our secrets together. but i thought wrong.
i thought we were best friends. but i thought wrong.after so long. all my thoughts were wrong.
things seem to be ok now. but i know deep inside there's still a barrier between us.
this huge barrier which can never be removed anymore.
especially when you choose not to solve the problem.
pretend like nothing ever happened.
it hurts you noe. especially when it happens to a friend i thought i could trust.
but can i now?
haii.
im really really disappointed.
lastly.
nothing much to say just.....
i really really miss last year and my sec sch friends.
at least i know my sec sch friends are pple i can really trust.
and i really really wanna turn back time.
turn it back to last year.
when all of us were still good friends.
when none of such things happened.
when we could talk and laugh with each other with no worries.
where has all this happy moments gone to?
=((((((((((((((
10:31 PM
